It was confirmed on April 9th a day after my birthday that my cancer returned, but in my upper chest area, neck, small spot on my lung and under my left arm. As I was sitting receiving the news that shock the heck out of me I felt I was having an out of body experience, my mind was so far away. I remembered looking up at the ceiling as if I was looking or maybe talking to God. Forcing my attention back to my oncologist she seemed optimistic with the treatment plans of chemo, possible surgery, and radiation. Even though she seemed positive all I could do is cry. No one should ever receive this type of news alone. One thought that kept popping up in my mind was I have to live to see my granddaughters grow up, get married, and have children of their own. The other hard part of that day was having to tell my adult children which was very emotional, I remembered crying the whole time talking with them. As I sat alone at home to gather my thoughts one thing was clear God got me and He will bring me though this journey.
Moving forward, I am currently in treatment which have been very difficult, two weeks with chemo and one week off. This treatment is definitely different and challenging. So thankful for the support and love I have been receiving. Remember caregivers needs support too. The presence of family and friends is so important even if it’s in person, phone calls, and by texting. What I have learned from my first diagnosed is to focus on who’s here and not who’s not. Action is so important than words to anyone that’s fighting for their lives.
I read for the second time “Radical Remission” by Dr. Kelly A. Turner and I wondered how did I miss some of the stories from the first time. So many wonderful survivor stories that will inspired anyone. Some survivor did conventional treatments and holistic, holistic only, life style change, healers, and/or just looking deeper in their lives. One story that stuck out to me was the survivor who suggested to “show cancer love” or “to ask why did it return”, I thought that was weird, why would anyone do that was my first reaction. So I figured I would try it myself. I put my hands on my cancer and started talking to it but in a loving way, I even asked the question “why did you come back”. Okay, I wasn’t expecting my cancer to answer back but I felt a deep connection, hard to explain but it was a feeling of peace. Part of talking to my cancer I was experiencing a deeper relationship with God. Do what works for you on your journey not what other people think you should do. Because no matter how many people that’s in your support circle it’s still your journey. Each day I wake up and say “Thank you God for the gift of life”.
My healing not only include a deeper relationship with God but a revaluation of my life. Like finding my purpose or what makes me happy. Does my job make me happy or is it stressful. Before my diagnosis it was stressing me. What do I want to do with my life? Do I want to write a book? Travel? Become a certified yoga instructor? Open a business? I still have so many questions, but I am taking it one step at a time. One thing I started before being diagnosed is writing poetry, which is a way for me to express my thoughts. Also, part of my healing is taking a more natural approach like herbal teas, using CBD oil, and hemp tea from “Keep it Hemple”. The hemp tea works amazing for pain. Another part of my healing journey is meditating, sitting still, and being quite which to me is like food to my soul.
While on this journey I will be grateful for every gift God gives me. Life is short so live it!
my fight my journey with breast cancer 